the struggle

after a lot of time and effort, and back-and-forths with myself saying “this is stupid and pointless” and “I’m wasting my time,” i released a demo. amid these battles with my physical self, i also had multiple battles with my spiritual self. about a year and a half ago I was 100% convinced i am supposed to be a musician. right now, in this moment, i’m not so sure. music and writing are still the things that make me feel my best, and are things i feel i’m good at, but i’m not sure if it’s what God wants for my life. i know it can take a while to fully discover and be completely immersed in your purpose, but at this moment, the only doors that seem to be opening for me are ones that involve children (teaching). teaching was/is the last thing on my list of things to do with my life, but that’s another post.

despite all my doubts, i believe in the music that i have created–the words, the melodies, bass lines. i’m proud of my little five song demo, and all its imperfections because they’re just reminders of the struggle it took to get them to a place where they sound decent, and reminders that i have to keep struggling to get to the place i want to be. and in my life, i never really wanted to be before people. i like being behind the scenes. so a part of my doubt is probably fear, the fear of the intimacy that artists inevitably have to have with their audience, especially artists who proclaim themselves christian.

it’s all work in progress


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