in my previous posts, in various places around the internet, i put the word ‘release’ in quotation marks. it’s a self-esteem thing, i guess. i don’t know if i can, or should, use the word release in its legitimate sense. i mean it’s not like i’m an artist with fans, and people who were waiting in anticipation for my music, right?  so, if i don’t call it a release, then i have nothing to stress over when no one listens or downloads, right?


as much as i’d like to spare my feelings of rejection, and let everything roll off my back, it still pricks my chest a little when i reach and am returned no response (especially from people i know personally). “shaking the dust off my feet” and moving on to the next thing can be easier said than done sometimes—most of the time—but i think i’ve forced myself to do it so many times in the past year trying to find my audience. there’s no time to mourn the connection that could have been because trying to find the right one, that is beneficial to both parties, requires a lot of time and energy and, so far, breeds about a 20% success rate (probably less). to any artists, musicians, etc. out there, how do/did you find your audience?

the struggle

after a lot of time and effort, and back-and-forths with myself saying “this is stupid and pointless” and “I’m wasting my time,” i released a demo. amid these battles with my physical self, i also had multiple battles with my spiritual self. about a year and a half ago I was 100% convinced i am supposed to be a musician. right now, in this moment, i’m not so sure. music and writing are still the things that make me feel my best, and are things i feel i’m good at, but i’m not sure if it’s what God wants for my life. i know it can take a while to fully discover and be completely immersed in your purpose, but at this moment, the only doors that seem to be opening for me are ones that involve children (teaching). teaching was/is the last thing on my list of things to do with my life, but that’s another post.

despite all my doubts, i believe in the music that i have created–the words, the melodies, bass lines. i’m proud of my little five song demo, and all its imperfections because they’re just reminders of the struggle it took to get them to a place where they sound decent, and reminders that i have to keep struggling to get to the place i want to be. and in my life, i never really wanted to be before people. i like being behind the scenes. so a part of my doubt is probably fear, the fear of the intimacy that artists inevitably have to have with their audience, especially artists who proclaim themselves christian.

it’s all work in progress


download here for free: http://destinie.bandcamp.com

Working With Broken Chains

In December I created a project for myself; for six months, I was going to write at least two poems and one song per week until June. This is still my goal. In addition to my spur of the moment writings, and things I had already written, I will have 50+ new poems and 25+ new songs to edit and record. It’s my plan to have a small manuscript of poetry to submit or possibly self publish, and to upgrade my music production equipment, which is next to nil right now. (I currently have a condenser mic, a cheap Behringer interface, and my DAW is Audacity). I took an electronic music class last year and fell in love with Pro Tools, so I’m going to try to get that, along with a new audio interface, and use it in conjunction with Ignite. I have a lot of plans for the year, one of which includes finishing school in June and graduating in August. Once all of that is over it’ll be time to really get down to business, and go elbow deep into my musical ventures (and hopefully find a job). Attached is my make-shift calendar, and as you can see, the chain is broken in a few places, but that’s all the more reason I need to ‘git r done’ (haha). I pray that God blesses all the plans I have and cancels those that conflict with His will for my life, only to replace them with ones that are even better.


no fear

It’s been a long time since I blogged, and that has to change.

Since December I’ve been working on a double project: I will write two poems and one song per week until the end of May (six months). By June I will have at least 50 poems and 25 songs to edit and add to my collection. I hope to compile enough poems for a manuscript, and to record I’m not sure what yet (EP or album or something in between). I feel the tugging at my heart, even more now than at any other time, to get to work; it’s time I satisfied the pull. Or, perhaps not satisfy it, to keep me on toes with a constant hunger? Who knows? I just have to start, and discard all of those things I have apprehensions about, doubts and fears. I thank those of you out there who have supported me.

More original content from destinie flooding your interwebs soon.

I do this all out of a Godly love: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

-destinie (4LJ)



Winter Jam recap and some thoughts on Christian music

I went to Winter Jam last night, and it was pretty awesome. I always enjoy hearing NewSongas the host band. My favorites from this year were LecraeTenth Avenue North, and the relatively new husband and wife duo Love & the Outcome. Though I must say, Skillet’s performance two years ago is still at the very top of my list. 

I had a great time. However, something bothered me, and my friends also; one group (who shall remain nameless) played the track to a secular song, that has no spiritual connotation what so ever, as the song that they came out to before they started to play. What was the point of this? Doesn’t doing that kind of defeat the purpose of coming together to worship God, to offer an alternative to the world? I’m not condemning all non-Christian music, but at a gathering such as this, to play music that is the dead opposite of Jesus and what he represents seems a little like straddling the fence to me. 

I also think this kind of thing can get tricky for some people who aren’t really Christians yet, or who are new to the faith. They may think, “Well, they have the same thing going on in here as out there, so there’s really no point in me getting too involved with this. I might as well stay where I am.” Also, said band’s lyrics were kind of hard to understand, mainly because of the volume of the music, but what little we did understand (my friends and I) didn’t seem to have too much to do with Jesus. The lyrics of theirs that I looked up when I got home were very…..bleak in terms of spirituality.

Am I reading too much into this? I don’t like ambiguous lyrics, especially not coming from those who are claiming to represent Jesus. What do y’all think? Leave your thoughts and questions below. 

P.S. Stay tuned for a huge load of pictures. You can also watch the rest of the videos, here  😀